Today

I wish I never had to wish time away. I’ve spent years wishing. 

The sooner today ends the better.

I keep singing “empty chairs at empty tables.” As the last of the stuff is removed from the house.

It is a lonely day, a day of rejection.

The fullness of rejection weighs.

Then I sing again, “when you’re loved by someone you’re never rejected”.

This is my mantra: I am loved, I am lovely, I am lovable.

Today I give myself permission to say it without the expectation of having to believe it.

I will resume the work of belief tomorrow.

Today, I will let you, my beloved community believe it for me.

Today I will hold fast to a God of grace and a God of glory.

I cannot sing praise today, I can only sit in silence and stare out the window of my house.

My house. 

No longer ours, but mine. Mine and the kids. Where we will be happy again. But not until tomorrow.

Because the sooner today ends the better.

 

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