2014 was “Bloom”, 2015 was “Shalom” and 2016 – “Promise”
The year of promise is over and as I reflect, I anticipated 2016 to be a year of “Promise as anticipated joy.” Well, not so much. However, all was not lost in the realm of promise, but, as it turns out, 2016 was a year of promise, as in, faithfulness in the midst of adversity. 2016 will also go down as the year of keeping the promise of who I am and faithfully living that out despite these obstacles.
But first, 2016, overall can suck it. It will go down as the year of celebrity deaths and the epic mistake that is the election of Donald Trump.
But that will not have the last word, the year of Promise, has some great accomplishments, here are a few:
First, to my children. I promised my children a few years ago when their father and I divorced that I would keep the house. This has not been a difficult promise, more so than I realized when I made it. This is a promise I struggle to keep on a monthly basis when the mortgage payment is due. But it is not simply the one payment, there is also the expense of upkeep, you know, like a costly HVAC system I did not anticipate dishing out, or a new roof on part of the house.
The financial burden of this year has been enormous, I cannot lie about that. However, in the midst of this year and drain on my finances this house is very much a home and a blessing.
This is the home for 4 children and 2 adults. It holds family dinners, a family garden, a basement where we dance and watch tv. It’s where we gather with friends and neighbors for fire pit and grilling. It holds space for friends who need a retreat and a warm bed. It is our home, futures are discussed here, children are tucked in, and love is shared here. The promise I have kept about this home has brought much joy and love.
Second, to my partner. Derrick’s had a rough year, he’s lost his job and his confidence. This, after 2 of the worst years of his life. It’s not always easy loving someone who has chronic depression and live in competition of the voices of depression that live inside his head, but I could not be more proud to love him. There are many promises one makes when they decide to connect and partner with another, when they decide to share their lives so intimately.
This year I have kept my promises to love and support him. It has truly been my honor. I pray this will be the most stressful and difficult year together, I pray that we will leave this year in our dust. In the past I struggled to keep promises of forgiveness and releasing grudges, not just with him, but in general. I am proud of the way I have been able to do that in our relationship this year, loving him has kept a promise within myself – to love fearlessly.
Last, I have kept promises with myself. I have made decisions this year to be good to myself. This is not about perfection, but I have noticed this year that I like myself more and more. I have been able to see and made some clear decisions, draw some clear boundaries.
I have created boundaries and goals in my work which has lowered my anxiety and made me a better parent. I have been able to love myself better, despite some weight gain which at one time would have sent me into a deep depression. I have made some decisions about my future that could relieve some stress about my future.
2016 overall can suck it, but through the promises made and kept this year I am happier, more stable, and my life is full of love and joy.
Soon I will look to 2017 and announce a new word, but for the next few days, I will continue these promises and more.