Awake

Image

 

I am exhausted. After the thanksgiving holiday, traveling for 10 days with 2 small children, Advent, and a sick kid at home today. My daughter has strep and after the doctor we both curled up in bed. I slept for 3 hours. Seriously, after 3 cups of coffee, I fell right to sleep and only woke up because lil pie woke me up.  

Awake is not just about not being asleep, but it is also about being aware. Today I let the exhaustion and stress sink, I allowed my body to feel exactly how tired I was, so maybe tomorrow or the next day I can start again and awaken myself to the realities of my world. 

I will remain today in a fog though and give myself space. Tomorrow, after all, is another day.

Advertisements

Flood

Image

There is a piece of light in all of us…

Seen or unseen the light is there,

Ready to kindle, eager to respond,

Refusing to be rightly contained.

As soon as the tiniest space is allowed

It quickly emerges, floods outward,

Illuminating the darkest of places.

From “Little Pieces of Light” by Joyce Rupp, OSM

Time

Time. Time after time.

Today they are releasing the 911 tapes from the Newtown shooting last year. Just so you know, I will not be listening to them, I cannot. Just knowing they will be released makes me want to drive to my daughter’s elementary school and hold her tight. Also, I think it’s terrible timing, just days away from the year anniversary.

Time

But as the Advent Photo of the Day calendar told me today’s word was time, I went out to the graveyard at the church. A few weeks ago when my aunt was visiting we were looking at the gravestones, she notices these three graves, all children, all of the same family.

Meet the Parks children, or at least what we know of them from their gravestones (from left to right), sons and daughter of William & Charolilla Parks.

Clarence Everett- died August 18, 1866 1 year, 2 months

Maggie Owens- died July 16, 1875 4 years, 6 months, 13 days

Seymour Gowan- died July 5, 1875 2 years, 3 months, and 3 days

They lost 3 children, within 9 years, the last two 11 days apart. I do not know what tragedy took these babies away from their parents and loved ones, but their headstones begin our cemetery, there are many other children buried here, but not three from one family and so close together.

I know they are long gone from this world, but my heart breaks for their grief, my heart is in pain for their memory of what was and what was lost. They say time heals all wounds, I do not believe this to be true. However, the pain “lessens” because it gets integrated into a new way of being, one of the ways this happens is over time.

These marble stones will stand as long as possible in our cemetery, marking the lives that lived only a small time on earth. Time has worn these stones, but time has marked their journey also.

Peace

Image

Peace is today’s word for the Advent photo of the day.  I thought long and hard, as the obvious choice for me would be to sneak into get a picture of my children sleeping.  But instead I finished sorting through my email after 10 days away and poured myself a cup of tea.  No one is in the office Tuesday and it is quiet.  

I have a little Christmas music on and I exhaled.  I also put it in my favorite mug, it is my “tree of life” mug. Whenever I drink from it I am reminded that there is just as much beneath the surface of life as there is above. Peace comes from the roots.  A tree could be chaotic on the outside and yet remain rooted and firm on the inside.  A tree could also be blown over if the insides are not deeply rooted.

And so it goes with peace. Peace comes from within, it is not the absence of chaos, it is being firmly rooted in the midst of it.